Dates: 3rd-4th March 2018
Location: Hunua Forest Park
Trip Leader: James Judd
Participants: Everyone
Videos: Seb Judd - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjRXkVmtL48 Author: Captain Thunderbolt
Let’s Talk It Out (Saturday, 3 March 2018)
Forty members of the Auckland University Tramping Club met outside the Clock Tower at 8am sharp. It became immediately clear that the newly minted AUTC members to be “oriented” were majority American. After five or six Trump jokes, everyone was sorted into cars according to levels of Trump-iness. The East coast elite were content to rub shoulders with the West coast elite, the few Southerners demonstrated genteel rage and swore vengeance on those who insulted their families, the singular Canadian felt peeved, and all Kiwis were shocked at just how loud Americans actually are. We set out at break neck pace, stopping briefly at “McDonalds” or “Maccuzz” to pick up breakfast. A brief Chinese fire drill at the Hunuas gate resulted in one bruised lap but was quickly forgotten once we learned the wrong campsite had been booked.
Introducing the Americans to “Nature”
Before any legitimate tramping could commence, we performed a sun dance. Even though the sun dance was successful, two or three bare bums saw the sun later in the day. One young man wore a suit with his goulashes. We were told he either tramps in a suit or nothing at all. The suited man led the advanced squad. The home fire crew acquired wheelbarrows and started carting provisions of beetroots, jackfruit, and meat goodies to the lower campsite. The rest of us followed the AUTC flag, hoisted aloft, and set off en masse.
This is Water
We arrived at a river crossing of sorts…it was a stream. Anticipating the brief stream crossing, the Americans immediately removed their boots and socks and revealed the soft fleshy skin of their un-calloused feet. An executive decision came down from on high declaring that the petite road bash was no more. Instead, we must stream bash to the campsite. All enjoyed blackberry brambles, rocks, and surprisingly deep water. Casualties included one lost toenail. At a bend in the road, we stopped to enjoy some refreshments. After tramping only a hundred meters more, we arrived at the campsite.
AUTC Olympics
The esteemed countries of Easter Island, Kazakhstan, and North Korea joined the peoples of Antarctica and the
Sahara Desert in competing for glory in sport. It is true what they say about Kazakhs; even the women have mustaches. The Antarctic representatives all dressed for summer weather save one, but thankfully enough snowflakes participated despite costume badgering. First there was the human tight rope, followed by a human pyramid race and stretchering team members on emergency packs. The tug of war resulted in no clear winner, but North Korea surprisingly beat out all competition despite reports of severe malnutrition in their home country. The final event, a bondage battle of the fittest, revealed that our fearless leader was, in fact, a few sandwiches short of a fully packed lunch.
At Night
No one reached absurd levels of inebriation. Some people did have to go to bed early though. Those unlucky few missed out on the brownies and the Burma trail. After learning the true meaning of Te Urewera, junior members heard the legend of Maori burial grounds located just up the hill. One by one they were released on to the Burma trail to meet the spirits. Sounds heard that night include screaming, Canadian small talk, grunted conversation, and Wannabe by the Spice Girls.
A Brief Branding Before Breakfast (Sunday, 4 March 2018)
Everyone was branded with a whale logo. It is unclear what type of whale was chosen. Intense philosophical speculation from the night before indicates it was likely a sperm whale. Conventionally a brand is heated in fire before pressed to the skin. But fire is ILLEGAL in regional parks. So we used a flamethrower instead. The first few to be branded were lucky, as the whale came out distinctly. Over the course of the morning, the logo began to look less like a whale and more like an eggplant.
Postscript: No Americans were harmed on this trip. One Kiwi was injured, however he did not attend O Camp, and subsequently he did not write the trip report as planned. Reports of cannibalism have not yet been confirmed.
WoW!