Date: May 12th
Location: Waitakere Ranges
Trip Leader: James Judd
Participants: Seb Judd, James Judd, Kabir Khandpur, Sean 2000W the son of Thom, Jason Rosinger, Nicholas Loukides, Reinhard Schwanecke, Darina Khun, Campbell Foskin, Shilo Zhang, Martin Lyon, Jack Hopman, Justin Willis, Maxine Opatril, Caroline Provost, Pepijn Luiten, Karina Zawilinski, Yi Xin Heng, Victoria Kelly Katy MacKenzie, Johannes Holstad, Timothy Gray, El Capitan, Kaya Shlomi, Max Jenkins Timothy Gijbels, Caoimhe Lane, Alistair Newcombe, Renjie Huang, Halle Redfearn, Seb Bailey, John Robinson, Daniel Everett, Eder Lee
Author: Darina Khun (Darina ballerina glasses cleana)
Illustrations: Connor Murdoch
Time: 08:00
I miss my home country of North Korea, I miss the warmth radiating from our glorious leader Kim Jong Un. But I must do this. I must survive and show how strong North Koreans are. How superior our blood is.
I was joined by a group of dirty Americans and the traitor, South Korea. They will never survive.
We were led by one dressed in camouflage, holding a pink horse of some sort. He thinks he can be as great as our one true leader, but he will soon learn his place. He will never measure up to our saviour, Kim. He turns to false gods. We trust in the proven wisdom and genius of our leader. As he foolishly dances his rain dance in hopes that he can make it rain, our leader is already coming up with scientific ways of doing so with nuclear energy.
We are given eggs to carry - 3 or 4 eggs per person. The objective is to protect them for the remaining journey, without carrying them in our packs. The objective being to make sure no harm comes to them. They think this is difficult?
We march onwards. We pray to our supreme leader, Kim, in hopes it will bring us guidance and protect us from being stabbed in the back by the other corrupted nations.
Time: 08:30
We survived the beach trail. No North Koreans left behind. The Americans marched onwards, their flags flying high - but not as high as ours. I see the long grass and the swamp-like landscape appear in front of us.
Time: 09:45
We are not great swimmers. Our packs and shoes weigh us down, and the cold is almost unbearable. The Americans are already trying to kill us. They smile as they watch us struggle in the neck-deep water. They laugh as they pass us, using their giant like height to their advantage. They are precisely the savages the Supreme Leader warned us about, caring for no one
but themselves, and only finding joy in the suffering of others. One of them even has a camera to film us so they can enjoy it over and over again later as they laze around in their oversized couches. Still, we keep pushing. No pain. No gain.
Time: 10:20
Out of nowhere, the pink horse guy screams out. Everyone is running around panicking. The South Koreans have broken the ceasefire, and it is a rush to a giant rock sculpture up ahead. I had filthy Americans left and right of me, pushing and crawling their way out. My eggs are well protected in a pouch I made of my own shirt; I feared for them. It was a steep decline down a river bank infested with gorse. The ground beneath us turned to a mushy mess; you would sink if you were not careful. We finally made it to the top of the rock. Safe and sound for the North Koreans… for now.
Time: 10:40
We are now down on our stomachs. It has become too dangerous to stand on our legs. The long grass wraps around our feet as we crawl through and we have to fight it. Our clothes, packs and skin are now brown from the mud and smell of damp moss swamp.
BAM!
I had a fellow North Korean fall on top of me. There was terror in his face as he scrambled to get up. That is when I saw them coming towards me. The Americans were using brutal force to hold us down and get to our eggs. Crack. Crack. Crack. The golden yolk runs down my face. My eggs are gone. Their lives cut short by backstabbing scums. We were right not to trust them. I watched in hopelessness as they continued their killing spree. All I hear is the cries and wailing coming from behind me as more eggshells fall to the ground.
Time: 11:00
Finally! We got to our final destination. The magnificent “Penis Rock” stood proudly in front of us.
We knew we have made it. Our clothes and packs were now soaked through, our hands and legs were cut up from the sharp plants surrounding us, our eggs are history, but looking at the remarkable monument standing in front of us, it was all worth it. Now, we just have to survive the journey back.
Time: 13:00
The tramp back was reasonably easier. The cold gave us the motivation to keep moving. The long grass and muddy ground were still not forgiving, but we were determined to get back.
Along the way, we stopped at the beach from which we started the tramp. The pink horse guy began to draw massive shapes in the sand. We all stood there, curious as to what he was about to do next. He then split us off into teams. It was one final battle…. Capture the flag.
On one side stood our glorious flags of North Korea. On the other stood the inferior nations. We had our runners and our defenders. Game on.
Hourse passed, and each side won their own little victories. But of course, North Korea came out on top.
As the sand flies devoured our legs and feet, we decided it was time to head back. We made our way back to the cars. We knew it was going to be all over soon.
Time: 16:00
We made it! We had survived. Even though it was an intense struggle against nature, North Korea triumphed. We will go back to our countries as
heroes. The almighty Kim will reward us for our loyalty and devotion as he has promised. North Korea will always come out on top.
Mission Swamp Survival: COMPLETE
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